It's NOT working...

It was a fairytale wedding. The bride was a beautiful blushing bride and the groom was a tall handsome Mr. Charming. Immediately after their wedding, they went on their honeymoon and it was perfect and a dream come true for both of them. They couldn't believe how blessed they were, then they came back from their honeymoon and things changed and the husband began to wonder what happened to the beautiful bride he went on his honeymoon with. 

She had changed once they got back home. They both had to go back to work immediately after their honeymoon and that was when their troubles started. She was a very untidy person while he was a clean freak. He would pick up after her all the time because he couldn't stand the mess she always seemed to make. She on the other hand now found him stiff and boring. Where was the romantic and loving man she had married? Now, he was a control freak and complained about everything. Things she used to find cute about him were now super annoying. For instance, all wet laundry had to be put on hangers before being hung and he did the same thing with her clothes too. He would wash and STARCH his shirts, before putting them on hangers to dry! 

Every Saturday was laundry day and he would start out very early doing the laundry happily but expected a feast to be waiting once he was done. However her idea of a perfect Saturday was a day for doing nothing. It was a day for lounging around watching TV and snacking on whatever was available until she ordered take-out. For her, cooking was never a plan on Saturday morning and so she needed to enjoy her morning before getting ‘to work’. So, he would come in once he was done and would head straight to the kitchen and was always so disappointed when there was nothing to eat. That was always when she remembered he must be hungry. Grudgingly, she would go to the store to buy something to cook because he didn't like take-out, and often she never had a list so she always forgot one thing or the other. 

So every Saturday this would happen. He would wake up early to do their laundry while she slept and just laid around. He would always come in starving and she always began cooking two hours after he was done because she never remembered to shop for the house. Often, he would fix a quick meal and she always ate with him but never remembered to make breakfast the next Saturday!

So they began to fight every Saturday. The neighbors would hear the newly married couple or at least the wife talking angrily with her voice raised. Then one day, he slapped her and she packed up her things and went back home to her mother. Soon the guy came over to her mum's place saying he was sorry and that it would not happen again but after a few months she was back at her mum's place. This time because they were always fighting and she was fed up. 

Clearly, it wasn't working for this couple. 

I expected to hear news that they were now divorced and had gone their separate ways but one day many years later, I ran into them and they were still married with two children and happy! The last I heard, they celebrated 15 years of marriage with each spouse speaking in glowing terms about the other.  

How did they turn things around? While I don't know exactly what they did, I can assure you that both of them had to make some changes. They both had to do some things they probably found uncomfortable but those things must have affected the health of their home for the better. I am sure the bride's mother intervened and must have given them some advice too. For the mother to have allowed her daughter to go back, she must have felt it was now safe to do so; especially since her son in-law had physically abused his wife. There must have been a lot of counseling that went on over a period of time.

I heard of another couple who had a fairytale wedding as well and an amazing honeymoon but when they got back home, the wife discovered she had married a stranger. He was cold, impatient and angry and soon began to abuse her physically. Their marriage lasted less than a year and there are many stories like this; and these were all Christian marriages! 

As for the first couple, as I told their story, I am sure you had ideas of things that needed to be done. Get a maid, take their clothes to a laundry, go for counseling, the wife changing and making her hubby his brunch, the husband going for anger management, the wife becoming a tidier version of herself and the husband becoming less uptight and many more. Your ideas of how to make a change for the better in that home probably depends on who you feel was at fault. I felt the wife in the first story needed to step up and be a bit more helpful around the house especially since her hubby was doing the laundry. This however did not excuse her husband putting his hands on her. Another solution would have been to get a washing machine if they could afford one. 

The ideas are many and are easy enough to give when it's not your home. The point however is that they were able to turn the tide and save their marriage. I am very sure it wasn't easy especially for the husband who must have been seen as the culprit but they clearly made it work and kudos to them, but what about you? How far are you willing to go when you find things are not working in your home. It is always easier to blame somebody else for how things are but this means you don't have to make any changes. Afterall, it was not your fault, so let the other person get their act together or else….. Divorce is very popular these days and many opt for a divorce rather than working on their home. 

Marriage takes a lot of work to get right and a lot of humility too from both sides. The fact that there are so many broken homes, separations and divorces means people would rather quit than fix things. I agree that not every marriage can be fixed but most marriages would stand a better chance if both parties were ready to change. I also think many bow out too early. 

Marriage is like wine so it gets better and becomes stronger with time. As time passes in a marriage, respect, understanding and patience become a crucial factor in the health of the marriage.  

So, how far would you go to make your home healthy? What things would you change? Would you be open to counseling or would you rather handle things within the home because you don't want people to know you are having problems? There are marriages in trouble where neither partner seeks for help for fear of exposing their problems to others. They would rather keep quiet and suffer in silence than let an outsider know all is not well. 

Do not be like this. If it is not working, seek help and be willing to make changes where necessary. The health of your home should always be your highest priority. Pray for each other and together. Share the word with each other, but only share things that have blessed you personally like testimonies or things that spoke to you personally. That way, you will sound and be genuine as you share. Talk to each other instead of about each other. Look for opportunities to break the ice and stir up meaningful conversation and do things together. Look for things you can do together and if all these fail, seek help from people that love and care about both of you or seek counseling. 

If it's not working right now, it does not mean this is the end of your marriage. You can still turn the tide and make it work.

See you next week.  😊