A Story of Rings

 

A wedding ring is a crucial part of the wedding because the ring symbolizes an unending and eternal circle of love between the couple. It represents their commitment to each other and is worn to show the world they are married. This emblem of love is exchanged on their wedding day and symbolizes the couple's pledge to each other. So, a man gives his bride a ring and the bride does the same. 

But actually is all starts with the engagement ring that is given at the time of the proposal… The guy proposes to his girlfriend and her acceptance of the ring says she has agreed marry him. Often the proposal can be a whole ceremony on its own; from an intimate affair to an event that could include family and friends. Whenever people see the lady, the engagement ring on her finger makes everyone know she is taken. 

Sometimes though, all our attention is on the ceremony, the caterers, the event planner, the outfits, the funfair and in a time of social media; the views also matter. We can be so focused on all those things and miss out on what is truly important. So I'm going to tell you the story of two rings: my engagement ring and my wedding ring. 

My Engagement Ring

My boyfriend couldn't afford an engagement ring at the time when he asked me to marry him but I said yes. In Nigeria culture, the engagement is a traditional event or should I say it has been added to the traditional wedding. So even if your boyfriend gave you an engagement ring the day he proposed, on the day of the traditional wedding which is now called the Engagement, your engagement ring is ‘given’ to you officially.... Actually they put all sorts of gifts before you on that day and you are supposed to choose the bible which always has the engagement ring attached to it. (This can be very confusing for someone who is not a Nigerian!!!) 😄

My engagement ring therefore arrived 3 or 4 days before the Engagement (the traditional wedding) and of course as expected I choose the Bible out of all the gifts that were laid out. These included a suitcase full of new clothes, a 50 kilo bag of rice, 50 tuber of yam, a 10 kilo bag of salt, kola nuts, fresh fruits, dish and utensils, a special attire for the bride and groom, a goat, ata (very hot pepper), drinks and beverages, shoes, jewelry, honey, snacks, bottled water, an umbrella, sugar, coconuts and other gifts (local foods and spices) AND the dowry. 

All these are symbolic but like I said, the bride is expected to choose the bible and the ring (it could still be in a box) stylishly attached to the Bible; so I choose the ring. 

The Wedding Ring

The wedding ring is given during the church wedding and so I got my two rings - my engagement and wedding ring. The wedding ring was an 18 carat gold band while the engagement ring was an 9 karat gold ring. The two rings rubbed against each all the time and within a year, the gold on the engagement ring had worn out until it broke. The harder metal wore out the softer metal, so I was left with my wedding band.

As the years went by, I began to put on some weight so after about 8 years, I moved the ring to my pinky (it was still too big) but at least I kept it on… Then one day, I went to watch a baseball game and my son's team won. I jumped up and down rejoicing but as we were walking towards the car, I realized my wedding band was gone. It was almost dark (it gets dark early in the Pacific North West). We searched and searched for the ring in the grass using the head lights of the car but we couldn't find it; and I went home very sad that I had lost my wedding ring. 

I mean what woman loses her wedding ring? My husband hugged me, said it was no big deal and that we would get another ring; and he still had and wore his ring. Later I got another ring and things were fine until we came back to Kenya and in 2006 we were fasting all through the month of January and so I had lost considerable weight. We lived by the creek in Kilifi at the time and one day my husband and I went swimming. As I swung my left arm as I swam, I felt my ring slip off my finger and fly ahead of me into the ocean!!! So I lost the second ring. I had forgotten how much weight I had lost and my darling husband was there so he told me how ridiculous it was to start searching for a ring in the ocean!!! 

His ring was now tight on his finger so he gave me his ring instead and I wore it for some years and then…… Let's just say I haven't worn a ring in so many years!!! But even though I lost my wedding rings, my marriage did not suffer. We have always focused on each other and on building our home and continue to do so, so the presence or absence of rings have not affected our home. The health of my home is not based on a ring and so, though I lost it, our commitment to love and stand by each other has never changed. If anything it has gotten stronger.

So understand that while wedding rings symbolise eternal love, their absence does not mean the love is gone. It is just a token and with or without the token the love and commitment remains. Sometimes we are so focused on the outside at the expense of what matters. We care more about people seeing that we look happy than actually being happy. We have cold wars at home but talk and laugh together in public. 

And for those who are thinking of getting married, do not focus on the outside but rather focus on building your relationship. Focus on communication and not on how you appear to others. I am looking forward to getting a ring soon but it is not because I miss wearing one or am worried about how I will be viewed. It is simply because would be nice to have a ring. 

The ring was a symbol of what was in my heart and the commitment I had made. It was not what made me love my husband or stay faithful to him. It was a symbol but the power it holds is not in the ring but in what the ring represents. 

My focus is on building my home with or without a ring so I encourage you to focus of the things that make marriage work like respect, understanding, love and care not the outward trimmings. 

Build your home by focusing on your relationship and not the trimmings. They are food for aesthetics but that's all.

See you next week ❤️

Image Credit - <ahref="https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/view-luxurious-golden-ring-felt-jewelry-display_40870323.htm">Image by freepik</a>