Character in Marriage - JOY

 

So, we have been looking at character traits needed for a fulfilling relationship and marriage. We have said that anytime we use the word Character here, we are referring to Christian Character. This means we are talking about who we are now because of our relationship with Christ. It means that now that we are in Christ, everything we do as christians mirrors or should mirror our relationship with Him. 

Our theme scripture is Galatians 5:22-23 and last week we started with love. Today, we are going to look at JOY. 

[22] But the fruit of the Spirit is love, JOY, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, [23] gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law 

What is JOY?

I used to think joy came because I was happy. I thought I felt joyful when things were working my way but I was wrong. Happiness is triggered by positive life experiences which is another way of saying something has to happen on the outside first before I feel happy. 

Happiness is therefore dependent on what is going on, on the outside while joy is not. Things may not be working quite the way I hoped, but I can still be joyful because of the things going on inside me. I can be joyful because of the things the Spirit of God is revealing to me through his Word despite what I am going through. As a result, I could be in the midst of a storm and still feel peace and the joy of the Lord. What we feel when things are working our way is happiness not joy, so what IS joy?

The biblical definition of joy says that joy is a feeling of good pleasure that is dependent on who Jesus is rather than on who we are or what is happening around us. Joy comes from the Holy Spirit. It comes from abiding in God's presence and from hope in His word. Joy can stand alone, so you will have a feeling of good pleasure even though things appear discouraging on the outside. You are not happy but anyone looking at you could mistake you for someone who is happy. 

You look content and relaxed, you smile and laugh at jokes but when they ask you why you are so happy, your response confuses them. Why would someone going through all that look so happy? When you say it is because of something that you found in God's word, or something the Holy Spirit dropped in your heart as you prayed, people wonder if you are okay. 

Happiness is what you feel when your favorite team wins. That is why you jump up and down shouting and hugging total strangers. Happiness is what you feel when you finally get your visa or letter of admission to study abroad. It is what you feel when you receive good news. It is what you feel when you buy those shoes or that new phone or are given gifts. It is what you feel as you drive your new car out of the showroom and it is what you felt when you realized that the person you love felt the same way about you. You were so happy on the outside AND on the inside too. You were delighted and felt joy (yes) but it started on the outside. 

It filled you with a warm glow, with peace and great contentment on the inside and you knew you were set for life with that person on your side. And it helped that they always did the right things. As a lady, perhaps you loved that he would send you gifts, take you on dates, send you the most romantic messages and chat with you for hours. It was like you were on a high that refused to end. And as the man, she might have made you feel so loved. She respected and honored you and made you feel like you were the most important person in the world. You felt you could do anything and whenever you needed help, it felt so amazing to know she had your back; you were an invincible team. 

Your wedding must have been the happiest day of your life and you couldn't wait to start your lives together. That was a few years and all that now seems like a distant memory. He doesn't do or rarely does any of the things he used to do that made your heart melt. Maybe work has been stressful and so he complains a lot or it's been finances that has him so stressed. For the man, he wonders what happened to the loving woman who used to have his back. Now, it looks like all she cares about is herself and the children and you feel so alone. 

This describes many couples. What made their marriage work were largely things on the outside, so once pressure begins to build on the outside, they have nothing that they can use to ward off the pressure. They see each other as the problem and so things go from bad to worse. 

Joy comes from within and it is hinged on your relationship with God through his Word and his Spirit. Because of that relationship, you can have peace in a storm and a joy that makes no sense. It is a joy that comes from God and the Bible calls it the joy of the Lord in Nehemiah 8:10. It says “and the joy of the Lord is my strength”. Imagine joy that strengthens you in tough times.  

I am not against happiness though. Quite the contrary!!! Things on the outside make me very happy too, otherwise I would not be human. I love gifts, loving messages, dates, surprises and the whole nine yards but I do not depend on them to be happy. Instead, I have learnt to focus on my relationship with God and I have noticed that as I become stronger as a believer, I am becoming a better person and it is easier to relate with me. I have also learnt a secret that will help you in developing Character. 

It is through situations that push your buttons and test your ability to love the other person or be joyful through it all, that you ACTUALLY begin to develop christian character otherwise known as the Fruit of the Spirit in our theme scripture.

It is the only way to develop character. How would you become patient if nothing tried your patience? So, instead of always finding fault with the other person, begin to work on your character traits one after the other. Stop using things on the outside to determine the health of your marriage and relationship. Stop using things on the outside to determine if you can be happy or not. 

This is the mistake many make in marriage. They look to the other person, waiting for them to fix themselves first so that they can then be happy. So, from now on, look inwards and ask yourself - What character trait is this situation testing? How can I improve in this area so that we fight less? What would Jesus do if he were in this situation?

Such questions will help you to focus on your character and become a better person. A better you improves the chances of a happier (joyful) marriage and a happy marriage means a loving, peaceful home, better communication and a place you can both look forward to at the end of every day.

We will pick it up from here next week 😊.