Character in Marriage: PEACE

We have been looking at character traits that strengthen the home and our theme scripture is Galatians 5:22-23. 

A marriage doesn't just work because you are a good person who loves your spouse. A marriage works because you develop character traits that better help you to handle situations in your marriage and subsequently you are then able to grow into a better version of yourself. If more couples worked to fix defective character traits, more homes would be saved. Instead, couples often fight symptoms instead of going to the root. So, let’s go to our theme scripture which is found in Galatians 5:22-23.

[22] But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, [23] gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law - Galatians 5:22-23 NKJV

The next fruit of the Spirit or character traits is PEACE. 

Peace is defined as a state of tranquility or quiet. Often, people will go on a vacation or a holiday to enjoy some peace but it is not that kind of peace that we are talking about here. Besides, you can go on vacation and everything looks serene and tranquil while a battle is raging within you. We are talking about a peace that is birthed in God.

[6] For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace - Isaiah 9:6 NKJV

One of the names of Jesus as declared by Prophet Isaiah nearly 600 years before he was born was the Prince of Peace. The Prince of Peace is the one who removes all peace-disturbing factors and secures peace (Shalom - the Hebrew word for peace). This separates Jesus from other rulers who use bloody conquests to secure their reign. In his own case, he used his life (his sacrifice on the cross) to secure this peace.

There is a peace in God that makes no sense; it literally makes no sense!!!

[7] and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus - Philippians 4:7 NKJV

With all that happens around us on a daily basis in the workplace not to talk about in our homes, how does one get such peace? The very next verse tells us how to get this peace of God to influence our hearts and minds. How? It tells us that what we focus on or think about is the key to ensuring we enjoy this peace.

[8] And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. THINK about things that are excellent and worthy of praise - Philippians 4:8 NLT

What your mind is full of during a crisis or when things are not working well in your home will determine whether or not you actually walk in this peace. It says THINK about things that are true and honorable. Think about things that are right, pure, lovely and admirable; and think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. So, what does this even mean and is it even possible? Pressure affects focus and so under pressure it is hard to think let alone think of specific things only. Before we look at this list again, I want to show you a scripture that will help you.

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Isaiah 26:3 NLT

Again, we see reference being made to thoughts or how we think and how it affects our ability to walk in peace. God will keep you in perfect peace if your mind is focused on him. Rehashing what made you angry and thinking of the various aspects of the situation will make you angrier and that in turn will affect your response; which will be wrong. Often during disagreements, it is one accusation after the other with each party or at least one party trying to justify their actions. “I am right so you must be wrong”. “It is your fault blah blah blah…” If it must always be your way or the highway, you are going to have problems in your marriage and in every other relationship for that matter. 

If you are always using your mind to recall grievances, you will always be upset, angry, dissatisfied and discontent. With such thoughts ruling and reigning in your mind, you will always be dissatisfied with what you have and might soon start looking for a better solution or a better person! 

Change your Focus. 

Begin to think of your home as a haven of peace and harmony. Begin to think of the qualities you admire in other marriages and imagine your home looking that way. Then begin to think of things you can do to ease the tension in your home and pray and ask God for wisdom. Next, think first BEFORE speaking. Let your words be true, honorable and right. Let your words be pure, lovely and admirable. THINK about things that you would like to see in your home that are excellent and worthy of praise and begin to call them in. Instead of always complaining about what is not working, begin to declare what you would like to see. 

The Bible says we will have what we say so you have simply been reaping the harvest of the words you have sown in your home but you can stop now and change those words. In verse 6 of Philippians, we see something else that comes before thinking right and it is prayer and praise. It is after you have prayed about your home (and it should be a regular activity not an occasional one), and switched to thanksgiving mode that you now begin to monitor your thoughts and think right. You are making sure that all the wins you got in prayer and praise are not destroyed by thinking wrong and consequently always saying the wrong words. 

And Paul didn't just give advice on what to think about and end things there. No. He was an example of what he was teaching and I don't know many people who can make the statement below. 

The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you  - Philippians 4:9 NKJV

Paul said “whatever you have learned from me, heard me say and seen me do; go ahead and do the exact same things!! And as you think right copying whatever you have seen me do, the God of peace will be with you”. And if the God of peace is with you, it means his peace is with you as well. Those situations that try your peace are opportunities to grow the fruit of peace in your life. It is this peace of God that anchors your soul. You won't know why you are so calm and full of peace but it is because of what you are doing behind the scenes so begin to practise and walk in the peace of God.

Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always in every way. The Lord be with you all - II Thessalonians 3:16 NKJV

This is my prayer for you and I will see you next week. Have peace-filled week ❤️.