Character in Marriage - LONGSUFFERING

I am very excited about our topic today!!! We have been learning about character and in particular the character traits that help a marriage to work and flourish. So far, we have looked at a few character traits - Love, Joy and Peace and today 🥁 🥁 🥁…. we are looking at Longsuffering!!! Our theme scripture has been Galatians 5:21-22

[22] But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, [23] gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law - Galatians 5:22-23 NKJV

Someone defined longsuffering as the ability to suffer long 😁, and I am sure many of us feel like we have been there. In situations where we had to suffer long because of somebody else. It was so hard to keep quiet and bear the situation and you were so relieved when it was over right 😫? Well, to start, let's look at the meaning of longsuffering. 

In the dictionary, longsuffering is defined as having or showing patience in spite of troubles, especially troubles caused by other people. It is patiently enduring lasting offense or hardship and like I said, many of us would say we have been there. If we had an opportunity to share, we would share our tales of woe and of the things we went through. 

The word long-suffering in the Bible is a word made up of two Greek words meaning “long” and “temper”. So literally, long-suffering means “long-tempered.” A person who is long-suffering is someone who shows restraint when stirred to anger. It would be a person who is not quick to retaliate or punish another.

Looking at this word, I would say that many homes would have done a lot better if they had practiced or shown this trait. In fact, I would say that many marriages end in divorce because at least one person in that relationship was not long-suffering. I find it fascinating when I listen to two sides of a feud. It could be between toddlers, children fighting at the playground, teenagers fighting for something or adults arguing or defending themselves in a disagreement. 

Every single time, each person presents the case from their own point of view. The toddler with the toy cries because the other toddler wanted to take their toy, but it was not their toy in the first place. In fact, the toy might not belong to either toddler! The little boy at the playground felt it was his turn to have the ball, or go down the slide and when he got tired of waiting, he took the ball by force, or pushed or hurt the other child in the process! Teenagers get into fights because of boys, girls, their image, self-esteem, popularity, money, alcohol, drugs, social media and the lists just grows, and in every situation, each teenager felt justified for taking the step they took regardless or the consequences to the other person.

Can you see that as individuals grow, the issues grow more complex? Adults don't usually get into physical fights (okay sometimes they do…. sadly 😥), but by the time adults get into arguments or fights, things have gotten very complex. Emotions have been bottled up for a while, offense has grown, self-esteem could be low, many things have gone unsaid and resentment is at an all time high SO, when they tell their side of the story, it sounds like two different stories. It is like night and day!

My POINT?

In every scenario, each individual felt they had held back, waited, kept quiet and suffered long. But what if we looked at this differently where marriage is concerned. 

What if you were the one who was giving others a hard time such that they had to be longsuffering AND YOU KNEW IT!!!

How would you behave? How would you respond when the other person tried to say something or kept quiet? How would you behave if you were the one giving everybody else a hard time? (Yes, yes, I know, it's not you!) But what if you were the culprit? What if the fault laid more on your side and you knew it. How would you behave? I suspect you would be more patient, speak less and argue less. I suspect you would be looking for ways to make up for all the trouble you caused and that you would appreciate everything the other person did or did not do because you understand it is your fault. 

Think about that for a second. That it is because of me that so and so has had to be longsuffering! The thought makes me quite uncomfortable and if it was me, I would be thinking, “Wow, how can I let them know I care and that I'm sorry for all the stress I have caused?” 

If we think that way, we would be more humble, more patient, less discontented and a lot more quiet. We would probably have lost that chip on our shoulder and would probably be a lot more prayerful too. We should all practice long-suffering without throwing fits of anger or rubbing it in the face of those we have to tolerate but how do we do this?

For this to be a fruit of the Spirit, it must be a character trait needed to walk in the spirit so you cannot say, “I can't do it”. If you are having to suffer long or have been long-tempered in your relationship, what have you been doing while you are been long-suffering or long-tempered? Have you just been waiting for the other person to change or have you just been keeping it all in? Have you been retaliating or looking for ways to punish him or her?

Since this is a character trait we need to develop, pray for the other person understanding that this is making you a better person rather than a person who is suffering in silence. The length of time should make a difference in you and in the other person IF you are doing something; but doing what? You should definitely NOT be thinking of ways to retaliate or punish the other person. You should be interceding for your marriage, asking God for wisdom and walking in love. 

Walking in love ❤️ is a character trait I consider indispensable for everyone whether married or not!!!

Remember that this fruit of the Spirit or character traits can only be developed as pressure or a demand is made on you in these specific areas. So, instead of blowing your top or having a 4-month cold war where you are not talking to each other; ask God for wisdom. You would never learn to be patient for example, if situations that require patience did not come your way. Those situations are opportunities to develop the fruit you lack and you CAN do it!!!

So, the next time you find you are having to suffer long or are long-tempered, yield to the Holy Spirit and pray for wisdom. Pray for the leading of the Holy Spirit and walk in love through it all. 

Don't waste a good opportunity to grow and develop this fruit of the Spirit! You will be better off for it and all your relationships will benefit greatly too!!!

NOTE - (This does NOT apply to abuse - physical or emotional. If that is going on, seek professional help and if possible move into a safe space)