Who cares what people think?

Every relationship has tough times and it affects the relationship for good or bad. For some relationships, hard times draw a couple and family closer and for others, hard times make them drift away from each other.

This is what we saw during the pandemic of 2020. Hard times are just that, HARD!!! However they show the strength of our foundation or the lack of it. During the pandemic, there were couples that drew closer to each other. The lockdown was a blessing in disguise and as these couples got closer, their relationships were strengthened and their families flourished because they got closer to God and to each other. In a time of such uncertainty as we all found ourselves during the pandemic, a time when finances dried up because people could not go to work, school or run their businesses, basic needs became scarce as people struggled, yet these families appeared to flourish.  

For other relationships however, the pandemic turned out to be the straw that broke the camel's back. Many relationships that were already frayed and barely functioning, unraveled and there were many divorces and separations. Dysfunction that had been kept under wraps suddenly had no place to hide. We cannot pray against hard times. We can however grow our relationships in such a way that hard times do not break us. Rather, they can draw us closer to God and each other. 

This is the reason why communication is so vital in a marriage. When couples communicate (even when it is hard and uncomfortable), they are able to air disagreements and misunderstandings. They are able to learn from mistakes and grow but when people choose to hide their concerns and misgivings because of the fear of what it might reveal, they ultimately end up with relationships that are crumbling and frayed on the inside. These are relationships that are held together by a string so to speak. Never focus or be carried away by how people on the outside view your relationship or home. They don't matter!!! All that matters is that you and your partner are able to deal with misunderstandings and overcome them. You are able to bring up things that are uncomfortable like finances, sex and your communication with each other. 

Unfortunately, when a marriage or relationship is on the rocks, some in a bid to hide what they are going through, put all their efforts into showing the world all is well. They put up photos of a happy couple or home. They continually push a narrative that says, “See how happy we are”, when in actual fact, there is trouble in paradise. Rather than try to show people on social media (who don't care anything about you by the way), about how happy you are; fix your relationship. If you find it hard to do this alone, seek professional help and encourage your spouse to join you in counseling sessions. If they refuse to admit they need help, reach out to people you know care about them and that they respect, so that you can save your relationship. 

Pray for your home and become an example instead of the victim. Begin by deciding you will change rather than complaining about your spouse's refusal to change. In the first year of marriage, I made the surprising discovery that I could not change my husband but that I could change myself. Then I learnt my first major lesson as a married woman:

● That when I changed, my husband simply followed suit and changed as well. 

I said this before, and I will say it again - marriage is hard work but it pays A LOT! So, don't waste your time trying to impress people on the outside by trying to show them how happy you are. Stop posting photos to prove you are happy. Nobody asked you to show proof. Research actually shows that people that post constantly about their relationships are insecure and anxious about their relationship. Such people are not as happy as they would like us to believe. 

You shouldn't care that much about what people think and if you do, it means you have a problem. Put your efforts into your relationship, not social media. Stand on God’s word and pray for your marriage and your spouse. 

The change starts with you so become the best version of yourself rather than obsessing about why your spouse refuses to change. In many homes, one partner is the reason the other cannot change. And if you are still single, begin to practice godly character now. Sincerely ask yourself if you would like to be married to someone like you. No one wants to be stuck with a complaining spouse or a nag so being the very best version of yourself is a good place to start. 

So whether you are married or single, work on becoming the best version of yourself. 

See you next  week.