Naked and not ashamed

We have been talking about communication in the home and today we want to explore this topic some more.

The topic today is ‘Naked and not Ashamed’. To be naked is to have no clothes covering any part of the body. Usually when we are this way, we are not in public. We are in a private space without an audience or with someone who has the permission to see us that way. Since the person before whom you are naked is someone you love and trust, there is no shame (and as a believer that person should be your spouse). 

And what is shame? To be ashamed or to feel shame means a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. Therefore if your spouse walked in on you while you were changing, you would not feel shame or distress. There would be no sense of humiliation or distress due to the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. You have not done anything wrong so you will not feel distressed. However if a stranger walked into your hotel room by accident, (even if it was the cleaner) and you were in a state of undress, you might feel uncomfortable or even embarrassed and they would probably feel that way too. Even the thought is an uncomfortable one but see what the Bible says about the man (Adam) and his wife (Eve).

And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other's presence.

                                ‭Genesis 2:25 AMPC‬

The man and his wife were naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other's presence. There was nothing to hide because each one was in the presence of someone they loved and trusted. However, they were not only naked physically. They were naked and open emotionally and had nothing to hide. They had no secrets. 

Shame, embarrassment and discomfort come in when there is no trust. They come in when things are hidden, and someone you trust has hurt or treated you badly and betrayed that trust. This can happen in a marriage when communication has broken down. When a couple stops communicating with each other and choose instead to communicate with outsiders, (anyone outside their union), they open doors that can lead to things that could cause shame and embarrassment.  

Opening up to an outsider may feel good because there is no awkwardness and besides they only know what you choose to share but opening up to them also means opening up your heart to them which is dangerous for your relationship. Once you have an outsider as a confidante, even if that's all they are, you have broken your communication with your partner. Now, if the outsider is a counselor or Pastor who is there to help mend and rebuild your relationship, that is fine. If however you choose to be ‘naked’ in front of a stranger (a colleague or friend), it is wrong. 

Opening up means opening your heart to someone, so why not open up to the person you promised to hide nothing from? If you need help doing this, by all means ask for help, but seek help in the right places. Often, when a couple begin to drift from each, they open up to toxic friends. I have never understood why people do this. Why open up to people who you know will encourage you to go down the wrong path. People who you know are already discontented with their lives are not likely to invest their time in making your relationship work when theirs is not. 

Never open up to a bitter and disgruntled person because they will not help you. 

As uncomfortable as it may be, your spouse is the one you need to be talking to. I read a beautiful story many years ago about a couple who had drifted from each other and were hardly talking. Their children were grown up and had left home. Gradually they drifted until they had almost become strangers. Everything was now a routine and their marriage was dead, then something happened. The wife began to leave notes for her husband. She would put a note in his lunch box saying something like, “Have a nice day”. 

The first time the husband saw a note in his lunchbox, he was shocked and wondered what was going on. The next day at lunchtime, there was another note in his lunchbox and he thought it was strange but he was intrigued. However because they hardly talked, he couldn't ask her about the notes. Instead, he began to look forward to the notes and they just kept coming. Encouraging notes, playful notes and loving notes. Now the notes were no longer in the lunch box alone. They were on the mirror in the bathroom, on the fridge and soon the husband was leaving notes for his wife as well.  

Each person now looked forward to the notes. Soon the wife had joined a gym, began to lose weight and began to pay attention to her appearance. The husband noticed and began to jog and fight the bulge around his waist and slowly, a beautiful romance began between this couple. A seemingly dead marriage was revived with love and passion because someone made an effort. They fell in love with each other all over again.

I once heard someone say, “You can choose to fall in love with your spouse again”. Just the same way you chose to fall in love with them in the beginning, you can do it again. Pay attention, be polite and respectful, be caring and look out for your spouse. Pay attention to them and to yourself. Go back to doing the things they liked and start talking again. You may try leaving them notes like the wife in the above story did. 

For those who are single, learn from these tips; and it helps to have friends who are not disillusioned about marriage and healthy relationships. If those around you are toxic, it will rub off on you whether you are married or single. 

See you next week.