Can you feel it?

 Can you feel it? 

Sometimes when there is tension in an office, no one can say anything but everybody can feel it. The boss might be angry or upset about something and while nobody says anything, everyone who comes around them feels the tension. The secretary, the receptionist or another member of staff might even send out a cautionary message like, ‘Avoid Mr A because he's in a foul mood’; and everyone will do just that. And if Mr. A calls for a staff meeting, everyone then walks on eggshells around him. Why? They can all feel the tension. 

The same thing happens in school. One student says something about another student and this then creates tension and can even lead to physical fights. 

The same thing can happen in a family. In fact, I'm of the opinion that the best place to practice walking in love is within the family. Nobody can annoy, upset or misunderstand us like family can. They see us at our best and worst and so they are best placed to annoy or make us happy. If you had siblings growing up, you probably remember fights and disagreements. After those fights, you wouldn't speak to that sibling for a while but before you knew it, you had forgotten what they did and were back to playing together again. I believe these scenarios were the practice ground for learning to walk in love later on in life. 

However many children grew up in tense environments and had to deal with much more than childhood fights. If as a child, your parents fought a lot when you were not there, you could tell the minute you stepped into the house because the tension spoke loud. If you or a sibling had to act as the go-between when your parents were not talking to each other, you remember the discomfort it brought.

My point? As we grew up, we learnt to sense and identify tension so we now know what tension in the home feels like. We can all feel it when there is tension in the home so STOP IGNORING IT. Stop behaving like it's no big deal. I cannot tell you the number of times a married woman has approached me and told me about the Cold War in her home. Even men have shared the same thing with me. In every scenario, both parties knew there was a problem but they just continued with life like it was normal. This is something people do a lot. They pretend all is well though they know it is not. They have learnt to live with tension, misunderstanding, miscommunication and the stress it brings and they pretend all is well.

If you see them outside, they appear happy and without a care in the world but they are hurting on the inside; and men hurt too. Each person just masters keeping quiet and bottles up things inside pretending that if it doesn't show, they are fine. However, this tension can eat away at you on the inside and can destroy your health, family life, peace and that of everybody that comes in contact with you. So what should you do? 

Once you begin to sense tension, inquire. Ask if there is a problem. If the other person says there is no problem, do not take their word for it since you know there IS a problem. I used to be closed in and would refuse to talk but my husband would look for ways to break the ice. He would inquire, ask, dig and prod until I was finally relaxed enough to speak. 

Pray about the situation even if the other party or parties (sometimes children can also be closed in) will not speak. Pray that the Lord will lead you in the right direction and show you what to do. Sit down with your spouse or children. Tell them a joke, tell them about your day, tell them something that will pique their interest and break the ice; and do not become comfortable with tension and cold wars. The impact of tension can be damaging and long-term.

You can feel it and so can everybody else in the family so deal with it. The inability to communicate or say what truly matters is destroying homes yet it is one area where couples continue to struggle. People refuse to speak until the void in the home feels so huge, it appears impassable. 

So, next week, we will talk about saying what really matters.